Why "you’ll be fine" Isn't Enough (and What to Say Instead)
A real-world guide for caregivers supporting loved ones in recovery
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Supporting someone through recovery, whether from a stroke, TBI, chronic illness, or a major injury, is both a privilege and a massive emotional lift. No one gives you a manual. You're just trying to be helpful without overstepping, to stay strong without shutting down, to make space for their fear without letting your own take over.
When my brother was learning to walk and talk again after his stroke, we wanted to do everything we could. But what do you say when they wake up and realize their whole world has changed? How do you cheer someone on without glossing over the hard parts?
Here’s what I’ve learned (and what I’m still learning, honestly):
Why "You'll Be Fine" Often Falls Flat
Most people don’t want to feel like a burden. They’ll say they’re fine - even when they’re scared, frustrated, or overwhelmed. But not needing help and not needing support are two different things. When you respond with, “You’ll be fine,” you mean well. But it can land as if you're not listening.
Try these instead:
“I know this sucks. I’m here.”
“It’s okay to be scared. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
“You’re doing better than you think, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.”
“It’s okay if today’s hard. You don’t have to pretend.”
Support Is a Balancing Act
Some things that used to be simple, like making a phone call or scheduling an appointment, can suddenly feel huge. For Jesse, he knew what he wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t always come and as you can imagine that was pretty frustrating for him.
As a caregiver, your instinct might be to step in and do it all. And sometimes, that’s exactly what’s needed. But over time, you’ll also start to notice those moments when they’re ready to try(when they’re nervous, but capable).
That’s when you need to offer to sit next to them instead of taking the reigns.
You don’t say, “I’ll take care of it.” But instead say, “Want me to stay while you try?”
It’s not always clear when the right moment is, but you’ll get better at spotting it.
Offer Help Without Making It Feel Like Charity
Support doesn’t have to be grand gestures. Sometimes it’s as simple as just staying next to them in the room. The quiet moments matter just as much as the big ones.
Other practical ways to show up:
Attend medical appointments: This one is huge. It’s often overwhelming as the patient to be present during doctors appointments. They throw a ton of info at you and it only takes one emotional moment to throw everything else off. Being there as an extra set of ears can make all the difference. Take notes (also huge) and ask questions they might forget. And after the appointment, when they’re trying to make sense of everything, it helps to have someone they trust to say, “Did you hear that the same way I did?”
Validate their fears, even if they repeat: Recovery isn’t a straight line and neither are the emotions that come with it. Fears and doubts often resurface, sometimes daily, sometimes hourly. It can be hard to hear the same worries over and over, but try not to let frustration take over. What they need most is to feel heard, not fixed. Reassurance may need to be repeated just as often as the fear.
Offer help without making it feel like charity: Instead of saying, “Let me do that for you,” try:
“Would it be helpful if I handled this today?”
“I’ve got some time. Want me to take care of this for you?”
Just sit with them. You don’t need to give advice or pep talks. Sometimes, simply being there is the most powerful support you can offer. Watch a funny movie, talk on facetime, play a board game.
Sometimes the smallest gestures aka just being present, offering a helping hand when needed, and validating their emotions can make the biggest difference.
Delegation Isn’t Optional, It’s Necessary
The best leaders in business aren’t the ones who try to do everything themselves. They’re the ones who know how to delegate because they understand that doing everything alone isn’t sustainable (and it also isn’t smart).
The same applies when someone you love is going through a major health event. Whether you’re the person recovering or the person supporting them, you don’t have to carry it all. And in fact, you shouldn't.
When my brother had his stroke, our family was completely overwhelmed, not just by what was happening, but by the constant stream of calls, texts, and “just checking in” messages. Everyone meant well, but trying to keep people updated while managing medical conversations, logistics, and our own emotions quickly became too much.
This is where delegation becomes an act of strength, not weakness.
Designate a point person: Let a trusted friend or extended family member manage updates. This could be through a group text, an email chain, or a platform like CaringBridge.
Split up responsibilities: If someone offers to help, give them something real to do. Have one person manage meals, another can handle transportation or appointment scheduling etc.
Don’t wait until you’re drowning to ask for help: Delegate early and often. People want to support you, they just need a direction.
Delegation doesn’t mean you’re disengaged. It means you’re protecting your energy so you can focus on what matters most: showing up with care, presence, and steadiness for the person who needs you. That’s leadership too.
Laughter, Company, and the Gift of Just Being There
Not every moment of recovery is heavy. In fact, sometimes the most healing moments are the lightest.
For us, a sense of humor was key. It doesn’t erase the hard stuff, but it gives you room to breathe and to feel normal again. Sometimes it was dark humor, sometimes it was completely ridiculous. Like when Jesse’s brain forgot to tell his hand to let go of the fridge door handle and he nearly took the whole thing with him or when he renamed himself “Stroke Boy” on Life360 so anytime we checked in, we’d see “Stroke Boy is at his house.”
Laughter didn’t fix anything, but it helped us feel more like ourselves and less like everything was a mess.
The same goes for just being together. One of the most lingering fears after something like a stroke or serious medical event is: What if it happens again and I’m alone? Both Jesse and I were alone when ours happened. That kind of fear sticks around.
Sometimes the most powerful support you can give is simply your presence. Sit with them. Watch TV. Play a game. Facetime. Don’t make it all about the recovery. Just make it clear: you’re not alone.
Caregiver Support & Resources
Supporting someone in recovery can be emotionally exhausting. You want to be strong, but you’re also human. You might feel guilt, burnout, confusion, or just plain exhaustion.
If you’re a caregiver right now, you need care too.
Helpful links:
📩 Past Newsletter on Caregiver Resources – Our earlier roundup of tips, reading, and burnout care
💡 Family Caregiver Alliance – Research-backed guides and support
🧠 Headway – Especially relevant for brain injury caregivers
👨👩👧👦 CaringBridge – Helpful for organizing updates and sharing support
You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to keep showing up—with presence, patience, and a little humor when you can find it.
Got something that worked for you?
We’re building out a full Caregiver Resource Center and we’d love to include real-life advice from people who’ve been there. If you’ve found a trick, routine, or moment that helped, drop us a note below. It might help someone else (and we may feature it in a future guide!).
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